Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
