No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
