I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize