...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
