Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
