We should be called the Road Head Warriors
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
