bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
