Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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