I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
