12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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