he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
