So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
