i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
