We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize