there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize