the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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