at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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