hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I need a beard to bite.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
