i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
