??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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