life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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