so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
