I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
