Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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