How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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