Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
