Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
