the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
