can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
