I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
