Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
