At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
