This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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