i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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