all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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