I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
