dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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