If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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