So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
