The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
being pregnant is like rehab
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
did i just pee glitter
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