didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
