I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
