Where did you get a picture of my penis
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
