I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
