let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
