Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
