dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
