So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I want to be your penis for a week.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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