I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
bring money and cleavage
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
