There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize