I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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