you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
