atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Everyone says I win the strip club
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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