he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
