hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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