Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
