My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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