yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
