Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
