i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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