So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
nutella sex= disaster
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
