If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
