how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Boobs speak an international language.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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