Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
