How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
