bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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