Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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