I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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