you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
