I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Say something about gay babies.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
